A Cat's View on Life Last Post: 1 day, 1 hour ago   
"Let Me In"
Aug 19, 2008 | 4:14PM
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"TV Dinner"
Aug 18, 2008 | 9:05PM
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Cat Herding
Aug 11, 2008 | 10:19PM
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What Kind of Cat are You?
Aug 11, 2008 | 9:59PM
Cat Purrsonality Test

Have you ever watched a cat rolling in the sun and thought how wonderful it would be to be a cat? Have you wondered what kind of a cat you might be in a reincarnation? Take this little purrsonality test, and you might be surprised by the answer. Note: This test is purely unscientific and guaranteed not to turn you into a cat, but I think it's fun. I'm an English Shorthair... but this quiz says my personality is Persian. What kind of cat are you?

http://cats.about.com/cs/gamespuzzles/l/blwhatkind_one.htm

>^..^< .
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cats aren't insane, just fun...
Aug 09, 2008 | 2:50PM
.... There is, incidently, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person.

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A Cat's Prayer~
Jul 24, 2008 | 6:23PM
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Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool,
And keep the secret feline rule:
To NEVER tell a human that,
The world is really ruled by CATS!
>^..^< .
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Top 10 Things A Cat Thinks About...
Jul 23, 2008 | 6:08PM
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♥ 1. I could have sworn I heard a can opener.

♥ 2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?

♥ 3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?

♥ 4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?

♥ 5. Hmmmm.... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we ever get those STUPID dogs to do anything for us?

♥ 6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.

♥ 7. Hey - no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.

♥ 8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilisation of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place.

♥ 9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?

♥ 10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss !!
>^..^< .
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Does Your Cat Own You?
Jul 15, 2008 | 6:23PM
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cat love..


DOES YOUR CAT OWN YOU?...
...or... Do you LOVE your Cat?


♥ Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?

♥ Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?

♥ Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?

♥ Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand?

♥ Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter?

♥ Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?

♥ Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?

♥ Do you kiss your cat on the lips?

♥ Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork?

♥ Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat?

♥ Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it?

♥ Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?

♥ Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?

♥ Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat?

♥ Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?

♥ Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?

♥ Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse?

♥ Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap? Does your cat sign the card?

♥ Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?

♥ Does your cat eat out of cut crystal stemware because you both watched the same commercial on television?

♥ Do you microwave your cat's food? Prepare it from scratch?

♥ Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat?

♥ At the store, do you pick up the catfood and kitty litter before you pick out anything for yourself?

♥ Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays?

♥ Does your cat "insist" on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelette made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout?

♥ Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? (Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet's pictures in their wallets, by the way.)

♥ When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well?

♥ Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double date with the cats to see how they get along?

♥ When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them?
>^..^< .
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The Way to a Woman's Heart is Through Her Cat:
Jul 14, 2008 | 3:56PM
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So, you're dating a gal who shares her residence with a cat. If your relationship is going to get anywhere, I encourage you to follow each of these suggestions:


♥ 1. Never, ever mention that you can (or can't) smell the litter box.

♥ 2. If the kitten wants to spend an hour untying your shoelace, let him. When he gets it untied, retie it so he can continue playing.

♥ 3. Never make a big show of brushing the cat fur from your slacks.

♥ 4. Get in the habit of putting a couple of sardines in your pocket. Slip them to the cat when she isn't watching. (Note: you may have to do this through the entire dating period, because the cat will likely go for your pocket each time you visit.)

♥ 5. Don't push the cat off the sofa if he's inserted himself between the two of you. If he's still sitting between the two of you when you get amorous, reassure him (mental telepathy is fine) that you have no harmful intentions against his companion, and move him gently to your lap. Try to keep one hand stroking the cat at all times in this situation.

♥ 6. If you're spending the night, do yourself a favor and don't evenTRY to sleep in the cat's favorite spot on the bed.

♥ 7. When you phone her, ask about her cat.

&39829; 8. When she leaves the room to fix cocktails or check on dinner, ask her if she's got a cat toy handy so you can keep the cat entertained.

♥ 9. If you're taking her out to dinner, ask her if it's okay to bring home a "cat bag" of leftovers for the cat.
>^..^< .
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How To Give Your Cat A Pill...
Jul 12, 2008 | 6:24PM
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1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.

2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.

3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)

5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.

6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.

7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry.

8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops!

9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.

10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.

11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.

12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.

13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)

14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man-or woman.

15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press it's mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.

16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done.

17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).

18. Take two aspirins and lie down.
>^..^< .
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i'm a cat. what else do you need to know, that hasn't been said? meow.